A Life Spent Obsessing is Not a Life

Discovering Balance Series Part 5 of 10

Day after day of living and breathing every minute with weight loss on your mind and having nothing to show for it, is devastating. Nothing I was doing seemed to be working. I was eating less, and working out more, so why weren’t my efforts paying off anymore? The stress of this daily life had begun to dig its claws deep into me. Even though I was doing everything in my power, I questioned my dedication because I wasn’t seeing results on the scale. Clearly I wasn’t doing “enough” if I wasn’t losing weight.

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I beat myself up daily. “You’re not trying hard enough otherwise you’d be thin by now. You’re a fraud. What do other people think of you?” I was so disappointed in myself and defeated. It didn’t matter how far I’d come; it only mattered that I still wasn’t where I was “supposed” to be.

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Throughout my entire journey, one person has been by my side, always offering support and advice, a shoulder to lean on, daily encouragement, and often an alternate point of view: my husband. As things began to become so stressful for me, he questioned my motives. He reminded me that in the beginning I seemed to enjoy my new lifestyle more. Maybe I needed to take a step back and realize how far I’d come, how much I’d changed. He had noticed how little I was eating, how much I was exercising, and how stressed out I was all the time, and he voiced his concern. At first I fought him. I had done all the research and I was doing everything “they” told me I was supposed to be doing. No pain, no gain, right?

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I met with my beloved fitness coach and lamented, “What more can I be doing? This CAN’T be where my weight is supposed to be!?” I’ll never forget her response, “But what if it is? Why can’t this be enough?”

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Truthfully, I was getting so tired. I kept thinking about their words. I’d reached exhaustion. Maybe I did need a break, to regroup. That plan scared me though.

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Next I share how one event would change everything and set me on a long path to healing.