I Was Obsessed With Food and Exercise

Discovering Balance Series Part 4

Everyone loves a good before and after photo. I always thought they were so inspirational. But my “after” was far away and I couldn’t celebrate this new life until I reached my goal. Until then, I had too much work to do.

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Every day had to include a hardcore workout of an hour or more. If it didn’t, I was cranky and miserable. Workouts meant I could eat with less guilt. Meal planning became a part time job. I spent 2-3 hours a night creating a recipe, tracking every ingredient (including spices) in an app and photographing to share. I pre-tracked foods for the next day. Friday nights I planned recipes (for myself and friends) and groceries for the next week. Saturdays I’d work out for 2-4 hours before grocery shopping. I loved Saturdays: long workouts meant I “earned” a “cheat meal” for dinner and maybe even dessert. 

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Any deviation from my routine sent me into a tailspin. Vacations became stressful, it was an unwelcomed break from my routine. Where once I used to joke that I worked so that I could vacation, it now brought me anxiety. 

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I was constantly trying to find ways to keep my “health” and weight at the forefront of my life. I decided to go back to school for my Graduate degree in Sports and Health. My plan was that this degree could possibly lead to a career in health which meant I’d have to make it my priority every day. I was on a mission to eliminate anything that would keep me from “healthy” living. When I say I was committed, it’s an understatement. My entire life was consumed with healthy living.

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It’s important to note that at this point, I was 5 years into my journey and hadn’t lost any significant amount of weight since the end of year 2. I started to realize how much work it took just to maintain my weight loss, but I thought that’s how it worked. I was starting to feel defeated but I had created this new life and this was my new identity. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone so I felt I had to keep going.

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Next I’ll share how negative thoughts and feelings about myself took over.