I Thought I Was Being “Healthy”

Discovering Balance Series Part 6

A life changing moment came in March, 2017 when my husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer. In an instant, everything that mattered before had no significance. Weight loss was inconsequential when all focus needed to be on beating cancer. It’s sad that a health scare has to happen to put things into perspective, but it’s oftentimes true. My friend’s passing set me on my first course and now this scare set me on my new course.

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A year later, blessedly my husband was declared cancer free! We were so happy. However, although the cancer was gone, we found out his remaining kidney was not functioning like it should be. He was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, a progressive disease. The good news is that we could work to maintain his current kidney function as it was, by focusing on nutrition. The doctor’s advice: live a happy, active life. What a great reminder. With just a few nutrition modifications, life began to get back to normal. Worrying about his health was the dramatic shift I needed to refocus on what is truly important. 

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I attempted to navigate this new direction separate from the worry of the scale, but it wasn’t easy. I still had daily anxiety about food and working out. 

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I was in my last year of Grad school when I stumbled on an online article about Orthorexia. For those that don’t know, orthorexia is the obsession with healthy eating and living. Those with the disorder go to extreme means to maintain a healthy life. It consumes their thoughts, lives and affects their relationships. It’s about more than eating healthy foods and being physically active; it’s an unhealthy mindset about health. 

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I was in shock. This is a thing? I thought we were supposed to strive to be healthy at all times? Isn’t that what we are taught? Aren’t we told all the time that health MUST be our priority? Being a research nerd, I read as much as I could find and discovered almost every single behavior they described, described me. It was a lightbulb moment. Suddenly, I began to see my previous efforts for what they were. 

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Next, I share how I found Health at Every Size and Intuitive Eating.